Posted by: laughs4dads | March 13, 2010

Weekend Rant: Pet Peeves Edition

Okay, I admit it.  This posting has nothing to do with fathers or kids. Sometimes I just have to vent. These are some of my pet peeves.

1.  Buttered buttered popcorn.

Without fail, when I ask for a buttered popcorn at the movies, the kid behind the counter says, “You want butter on that?”  “No,” I want to reply, “I want unbuttered buttered popcorn.”  I do, however, like when they offer the larger size for 25¢ more, even though I know deep down inside that it’s to their advantage if I buy it.

2. Customer service numbers that say, “So that we may serve you better, please punch in your customer number” then the first thing the guy says when a live person finally comes on the line is “What’s your customer number?”
Why exactly did I punch in the number in the first place?   And, while we’re on the subject, if you’re going to put me on hold, either play music or be quiet so I can do things while I’m waiting.  Don’t be making announcements every five seconds, especially if the announcement starts with “Your call is important to us…” or “Did you know we sell…” Oh, yeah, and when you give your menu of options, make the number I press to talk to a live person the first thing on your list, not the nineteenth.  And can you invent a phone with subtitles to decode the Indian accents?

3. People who call you then put you on hold.
What’s this all about?  It’s bad enough being put on hold when I call someone; now it’s like the muzak is making outgoing calls.

4.  Advertising Adjectives

What, exactly, is a cold-tasting beer?  How does cold taste?  And lots of fast food has “melty” cheese.  What does that mean?  Is it not real cheese, or not really melted?

5. “All new” TV shows
I’m not against new episodes of TV shows (heaven knows they’re rare enough).  But a show is either new or a rerun.  “All new” would imply that there is something in between–not a rerun, but not “all” new.  And since there actually is such a thing (those annoying episodes where there’s about five minutes of new material “donutting” scenes from previous years), I want those episodes labeled accordingly: “Up next, a partially new episode of The Office.”  And while we’re at it, can we stop with the “Encore Presentations?”  A rerun is a rerun.  I don’t know about you, but I haven’t been standing by my couch, applauding and yelling “Encore” so they’ll show that episode of Ghost Whisperer again.

6. The parts of reality show competitions where contestants repeat to camera what the host just told us.
So Tim Gunn says, “Your challenge this week is to create a red carpet look from materials found in Michael Kor’s garbage can.”  And immediately thereafter, a contestant tells us “We have to design a gown for the red carpet made out of stuff we find in Michael Kor’s garbage.”  Thanks.  I had forgotten what the challenge was over the last second.  And can we also dispense with the “Coming Up” bits before commercials?  Really.  I can wait the two minutes.  What’s next?  Coming out of commercial with “Previously, before the commercial…”?

7. The lost art of signaling turns.
Apparently, today’s drivers think that the protuberance emanating from their steering column is just a convenient place to hang an air deodorizer.  Don’t you hate people who stop without warning to make a turn?  And, by the way, when there’s a green light, or no light, you really don’t need to come to a complete stop before making a right turn, and neither do you have to swing half way into the left lane first.  Or how about this: you come to a red light and pull up behind some schmuck in the left lane.  When the light turns, he then signals his intention to make a left turn, so you’re stuck behind him while he’s waiting for oncoming traffic to clear.  And let’s not forget the idiots who signal during their turns, as if to say, “Hey, I am currently in the process of turning!”

8. The offering of alternative sizes at shoe stores.
So you’re in a shoe store and you say to the salesperson (if you can find one), “Can I see these in an 11?”  And he disappears into the back room for a length of time that might be appropriate if he was making the shoes, and then he comes back and says, “No, but I have a 10.”  Oh good.  Fortunately, I don’t have the power to actually change the size of my foot to fit your inventory!

9. Pronunciation changes.
When I was in school, I drove to Queens College every day on the Van Wyck Expressway.  That was Wyck as in the thing that sticks out of a candle, not Wyck that rhymes with “like.”  And the mountains were Appalachian, with the “la” pronounced like what chickens do to eggs, not like “fa la la.”  And when exactly did Irish music become Celtic with a “K” instead of Celtic with an “S,” and does the Boston basketball team know about this?  And what about the commercials for Jaguar automobiles?  Jag-u-ars instead of Jag-uars (I think they charge you for the extra syllable).

10. Phone repair people.
Your phone line is dead.  You call the phone company on your cell, or another line, or a neighbor’s phone.  They ask you what number you’re calling about.  You tell them.  And their next question is always–always–“Is that the number you’re calling from now?”  I want to say, “Yes, and I’m calling to report that the number is working fine.  I just wanted to tell you what a good job you’re doing.”

There.  I feel much better now.




  1. #7 seven, turn signals…is it even in the drivers book any more. Heck, if the police wanted to make a fortune all they’d need to do is stop people NOT using turn signals…towns would be rich. And, if people used them, I bet accidents would decrease by half.

    And what is that turn half way into the left lane to make a right…why…I just want one of those people explaining why.

    Also #2 drives me crazy too. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve said, “you have it already I typed it on the phone when I first called, so no I’m not giving it to you”. It really confuses them for a couple of seconds…but I always break down and give it to them AGAIN.

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