Posted by: laughs4dads | April 19, 2010

A Special Offer for the Parents of Young Children

Announcing a new magazine for parents just like you.  A magazine for parents who care about their children so much, they’ll subscribe to any parenting magazine they can get their hands on.  If you truly care about your child, you’ll want to subscribe to Parents Illustrated.

And with this special offer, you can be a Charter Subscriber!

Dear (COMPUTER FILL IN NAME):

I’m writing this personal letter to you, and sending it to your home at (COMPUTER FILL IN ADDRESS), because I know that you’re the kind of parent who really cares about your child.  If I’m right about you, I know you’ll want to see our new magazine, Parents Illustrated.

I know, you probably subscribe to other magazines like Parents, and American Baby, and Working Mother, and Family Fun.  And maybe you’ve been thinking that you’ve got all your bases covered, that you get all the information you could possibly use, and that you don’t want to see any more ads for disposable diapers. Well, you wouldn’t think that if you really cared about your child.

Let me tell you why you should read Parents Illustrated in addition to all those other publications.

Firstly, Parents Illustrated is a weekly publication.  All those others are monthly, so they can’t possibly take up enough of the minuscule amount of free time your baby leaves you.  With a weekly, you’ll just about get finished reading one issue when, just in time, another issue will be arriving.

And each issue of Parents Illustrated will be jammed full of useful and probably conflicting advice about how to raise your child and run your life.  You’ll learn things like why you shouldn’t let your child use a teething ring, and why you should.  Why too much TV is bad for your child, and why it isn’t.  And why you should never hit your child under any circumstances unless the circumstances warrant it.

We’ll also be reviewing the latest parenting books so you’ll know what to read between issues of Parents Illustrated.  We’ll show you the latest children’s fashions so your child will never be caught by his or her friends in last season’s look.  And we’ll tell you which children’s books and movies are the right ones for your child to be reading and seeing.

I know you can’t live without this information, (COMPUTER FILL IN NAME), because you really care about your child.

But that’s not all you’ll find in Parents Illustrated.

Most Important of All, You’ll Discover How to
Get the Most Out of Quality Time.

Today’s parents are busier than ever and, unfortunately, we can’t spend as much time with our children as we’d like, what with all the parenting magazines we have to read.  That’s why each issue of Parents Illustrated has a special section called “An Hour of Togetherness in Five Minutes.”  This section contains handy shortcuts that let you pack so much quality into a short period of time, you’ll barely be able to stand it.  You’ll see how, if you spend your five minutes doing the right sorts of things, it will be the same as if you spent an hour together, except you won’t have a headache.

What else will you find in Parents Illustrated?  There’s a chance for you to ask questions of our staff of experts, in case there’s anything you don’t know after reading all your books and magazines.  There are delicious recipes you can make in your microwave in under two minutes, three if you like to taste your food.  And there’s advertising galore.  Why, if you used all the coupons you’ll find in one issue, you could save $4.78 if you bought four different brands of wet wipes.

Speaking About Savings, Wait Till You Hear Our Offer!

We’re willing to prove just how valuable our new magazine will be to you, your family, and your life.  And so, if you act now, you can take advantage of our special Charter Subscriber Offer.  Return the enclosed Order Card, and you’ll get a full year of Parents Illustrated–that’s 52 information-packed issues–for the low discount price of just $104.  That’s 33% off the cover price.

What’s more, we’ll send you The Dictionary of Childhood Diseases, a 479-page reference filled with medical definitions of every disease your child could possibly get, as well as a few that haven’t shown up for centuries.  This incredible book is YOURS FREE when you pay for your subscription to Parents Illustrated!

Pretty good offer, isn’t it?  But you have to act fast if you want to get in on the savings –and the FREE BOOK–because supplies of our FREE BOOK are strictly limited to the precise number of people who respond to this offer.

But, look, even if we weren’t offering a FREE BOOK–and 33% savings–I know you’d want to subscribe to our magazine, (COMPUTER FILL IN NAME).  Because I know just how much you really care about your child.

Sincerely,
Marion P. Jones
Circulation Director

P.S.  I almost forgot to mention a big benefit that you’ll get from subscribing to Parents Illustrated.  When you subscribe, we will rent your name to every single catalog in the world that sells anything even remotely connected to babies.  That’s a benefit you won’t get if you buy our magazine on the newsstand!

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