Posted by: laughs4dads | April 26, 2010

Big Bucks Baby Buggies

This month, I seem to be focusing on baby products. Today’s subject: strollers.

Let me start by telling you that in 1972, I purchased my first car for $2,600.00. New. With an FM radio.

Now, granted, it was an AMC Gremlin, and it had safety issues that make today’s Toyotas look like armored cars, and the rear window hatch had a slight design flaw, namely falling off.

But it was a car.

I’m happy to report that for a little over half of what I paid for that new car, you can now get…a baby stroller.

This, admittedly, is not the Gremlin of baby strollers. It’s not even the Rolls Royce of baby strollers. The adult vehicle it most closely resembles is one of those amphibious Duck tour buses that go rumbling through our cities and then lower themselves into the nearest body of water so you can look for, in the case of Florida, manatees and, in the case of New York City, bodies.

Of course, I am referring to the Inglesina 2010 Classica Complete Set with Pram Bassinet Frame Chassis Stroller Seat. The length of its name alone almost justifies the $1,350 price tag.

And it’s so much more than just a stroller. It can also turn into a bassinet and a pram, which is “baby carriage” in a British accent so you know it’s classier and costs more. And while $1,350 may sound expensive, it’s a small price to pay for the stroller equivalent of a Swiss army knife. And, besides, they throw in a FREE matching diaper bag!

A vehicle like this is, of course, not for every baby. Some babies would prefer to pass up the luxury and versatility of a stroller that can turn into furniture. These babies want a more rugged ride, something in which they can explore the roads less traveled…and bring a companion along for the ride. They don’t want the Cadillac of strollers; they want the Jeep of strollers.

May I present the BOB Revolution Duallie Stroller.

A bargain at just $569.00, the Revolution Duallie has two seats and three wheels. It has, according to Amazon.com, shock absorbers that “minimize the impact of uneven pavement or bumps on both urban streets and woodsy trails, which means you can introduce baby to the ‘off-road’ world without sacrificing his comfort or safety. You can also lock the forward wheel for maximum stability for running and straight-ahead walking.”

So here’s a word of warning: if you are frequently inebriated while on outings with your baby, you don’t want this stroller because it’s only good for “straight-ahead walking.”

Another feature, which I sincerely hope is a typographical error, is a “suspension system capable of 3 inches of travel.” It also “boasts a fast, two-step fold-up design for true stow-and-go portability.”

Yeah, right. Most strollers say that they are easy to fold up. Most strollers lie. If you’ve ever wheeled an infant out of a store into a parking lot, in the rain, you know this. Under the pressure of a crying baby, a driving rain storm, and some idiot honking at you to hurry up because he wants your parking spot, you’d have as good a shot at folding up my 1972 Gremlin and getting it into the back of your SUV.

But of course, you’d have to go back and pick up the hatchback window.

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  1. Oh but Mark, you neglected to mention the Bugaboo strollers… Starting @ $999 from Babies R Us, they are apparently “to die for” (judging by the screaming fit thrown by a future sister-in-law of yours truly when she found out no one was buying it for her, they must really be worth losing life and limb over)… And, they have dual cup holders! So not only can you walk your baby while drinking, but you bring along an extra beer and get totally tanked while doing it!


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