Posted by: laughs4dads | May 7, 2010

Have a Sad Mother’s Day

For today’s post, I really do just want to talk to the dads out there.

So if you’re a woman, please stop reading now so I can speak to your spouse about SOME REALLY SECRET HUSBAND STUFF. Thank you, and please come back Monday.

Okay, so it’s just us guys now, right? Great. So what are you getting your wives for Mother’s Day?

There are, of course, two schools of thought on this. You might be thinking, “She’s not my mother.” and leave the gifting to your child.

On the other hand, you might be thinking that you’d like to have sex before Father’s Day. With your wife. So you will get her a gift. You might even say, with a wink, that it’s from your child, as if your 5-year-old went to a jewelry store and purchased that necklace to go with the macaroni-and-Elmer’s-Glue masterpiece she made in kindergarten. At the very least, you’ve planned a nice dinner out.

But I’m writing today to tell you there is a third option. Simply remind her of the true meaning of Mother’s Day. You can even inform her that it’s quite possible she doesn’t even qualify.

That’s right. The fact of the matter is, there are two pre-requisites for being honored on Mother’s Day. You not only have to be a mother, you have to have lost a child in a war!

Seriously. Bet you didn’t know that. Turns out the origins of Mother’s Day go way back to the years after the Civil War when there were meetings of mothers of sons who had died on opposite sides. And when Mother’s Day became an official holiday in 1914, President Woodrow Wilson declared it to be a day for American citizens to show the flag in honor of those mothers whose sons had died in war.

He then set about creating a lot more honorees.

So you see, Mother’s Day is really a somber occasion, one intended as a tribute not to women who have raised children, but to women who have lost them.

If you and your wife have lost a child in a war, please accept my sincerest condolences and appreciation for your child’s ultimate sacrifice. If you have not, you and your family should celebrate the day by hanging a flag and, perhaps, joining hands in a moment of silence or prayer.

See how far that gets you.

By the way, in 2008 the U.S. House of Representatives voted unanimously on a resolution commemorating Mother’s Day, so that all the Congressmen could be on record as showing support for mothers. They really went out on a limb there, didn’t they?

Which just goes to show that even our esteemed representatives want to have sex before Father’s Day. (Add your own cynical line here.)

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