Posted by: laughs4dads | May 28, 2010

The Marlboro Boy

You may have seen the story floating around the Internet about Ardi Rizal, an Indonesian youth with a 2-pack-a-day cigarette habit. What makes Ardi unusual is his age: he’s only 18…months.

Yes, 18-month-old Ardi lounges around, his shirt off, and puffs away, no job, no prospects, making nothing of himself. And meanwhile, his proud father claims that “he looks healthy to me.” Dad’s probably 18, too…when measuring his IQ.

I’m assuming Ardi is advanced for his age because, really, how can someone acquire such a prodigious cigarette habit without constantly talking on the phone, drinking a lot of coffee, sitting at bars, and having sex?

I’m also thinking Ardi’s idiot father is wealthy, because how else could he afford all those cigarettes and diapers?

We in America would never think of turning our babies into chain smokers, unless we knew that it would get us on Oprah. Also, because many states ban smoking in restaurants, our kids would not be able to puff away while sitting in the International House of Pancakes eating Pancake Stackers, two delicious pancakes with rich, creamy cheesecake between them, covered with fruit and whipped cream and served with eggs and breakfast meat!

Yum! You just know the product development person who thought that up weighs 98 pounds.

But back to Ardi: My point is that we as a nation are not so great at keeping our kids healthy. With our glass house problem of childhood obesity, we really can’t throw stones at Indonesian children just because they have a little nicotine habit.

However, if we were throwing stones, Ardi Rizal would not be difficult to hit, if you get my drift. He would be , um, let’s say, a large target, and from the looks of him, not very speedy, and easily located by the cloud of smoke over his head.

To me, the biggest drawback of having a chain smoking baby is that you’d always have to be around to light his cigarettes because, you know, children shouldn’t play with matches. Or maybe Ardi has a little Zippo with Elmo on it.

Okay, so I’m left with three questions:

  1. Can we buy cigarettes from Indonesia online because they must be really cheap there?
  2. Does Ardi smoke regulars or menthols?
  3. Should I also pour syrup on my Pancake Stackers?

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