Posted by: laughs4dads | August 7, 2010

Mein Kids

Perhaps you’ve been following the story of the New Jersey parents whose children have been in foster care for a year and a half, and who have recently lost a court battle to regain custody.

The case has received national attention, not so much because the parents have a history of domestic violence, but because they have a history of extremely poor taste, specifically when naming their three children, Adolf Hitler Campbell, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell, and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell.

Apparently, it is illegal to name your children after condensed soup.

No, wait, that’s not it.

Obviously, the public is reacting to the children’s first and second names, which first attracted attention a couple of years ago when a New Jersey store refused to decorate a birthday cake with the oldest boy’s name. Personally, I think it would have been somehow ironic to have a Fudgie the Whale named Adolf Hitler, but that’s just my skewed sense of humor and, besides, it wasn’t Carvel®.

Anyway, the people who should really take notice of this court decision are celebrities whose freedom to give their kids weird names has been severely threatened. I mean, at least “Adolf” is a real name. Not one with a pleasant history, granted, but a real name nevertheless. What the hell is Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee’s son) or Kyd (David Duchovny’s)?

To me, the bigger question is, who the heil was Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell named after? At first I thought the name might have come from a character in the Nazi version of Happy Days. You know, Honzie? But it turns out she’s named after Heinrich Himmler, which means that Mr. and Mrs. Campbell also have a spelling problem, which, I’m sure, will shock no one.

But here’s what is shocking: the children’s names evidently had nothing to do with the parents losing custody! They weren’t even mentioned in the court documents! No, what alarmed officials was a note that Adolph’s mom handed to her neighbor:

“If anything may happened to me please do an altops [sic] on me b/c My husband has done something to me. Im afread [sic] that he might hurt my children if they are keeped [sic] in his care.”

Yup. Definitely a spelling problem.

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