Posted by: laughs4dads | September 3, 2010

Drink Up, Preggos!

According to the August 24th edition of the New York Post (motto: “Our best news source is Photoshop”), it’s okay for pregnant women to indulge in a drink or two.

The article tells us that…

“Tired of the zero-tolerance hysteria — no alcohol, soft cheeses, fish or hair dye — that treats pregnancy like an affliction, they’re embracing a European attitude and indulging in the occasional glass of vino.”

Well, first, I’m not sure why a woman would drink hair dye at any time, but that’s not the point. The point is that American society expects too much from it’s pregnant women. Not only do they have to lay off certain food and drink, and stop smoking, and reduce their intake of crystal meth, but they’re also supposed to do exercises, take vitamins, learn to breath, continue to have sex, attach headphones to their stomachs so their babies can listen to music, and engage in heated political debate about breast-feeding.

What happened to the good old days when a pregnant woman could just sit around all day and consume Cheetos®? That’s pretty much what Barbara did, and Casey turned out fine, if you ignore the slight orange tint in her pigment.

I mean, parents suffer enough for their children after they’re born without having to make so many sacrifices before they’re born. Clearly, American moms-to-be have to chill out a bit. As the Post article points out…

“…a French study published in 2008 found that more than 50 percent of French women drank alcohol at least once while pregnant.”

Of course, 100% of babies born to French women suffer from a severe birth defect, namely, chronic Frenchness. But that has nothing to do with their mom’s drinking.

Anyway, the pregnancy Nazis at The American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, whose acronym, ACOG, when said aloud, will invite people to perform the Heimlich Maneuver on you, says that “no amount of alcohol consumption can be considered safe during pregnancy.”

I, for one, beg to differ. When Barbara was going through all her pregnancy-related mood swings, I drank heavily.

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