Posted by: laughs4dads | October 2, 2010

The Week in Review

It’s been a busy week for news involving parents and children, so I thought I’d do a weekend post to help keep you up to date.

Long Live the, Um, Well…

Oakleigh Reed, a senior at Mona Shores High School in Muskegon, Michigan, was unceremoniously stripped of his Homecoming King title because he’s a girl.

That is, he’s a transgendered student who is technically still female. The dethroning, of course, has the gay, lesbian and transgendered community up in arms because Oakleigh is recognized as male by both students and teachers at the school. In this case, clothes really do make the man.

So, should this student, whose friends call him “Oak” (if I was around, whenever I’d hear his named called, I’d want to sing “lahoma”), retain his crown or not? Well, listen, this whole thing is a no-brainer. I give you the definition of “king” from dictionary.com:

A male sovereign or monarch; a man who holds by life tenure, and usually by hereditary right, the chief authority over a country and people.

So you see, Oakleigh cannot be Homecoming King because he did not inherit the title. In fact, the only people who can become Homecoming Kings are the offspring of past Homecoming Kings, unless there is a revolution and the insurgents usurp power. But before that could happen, teenagers in our school systems would have to know what “usurp” means, so there would be very few coups.

In the meantime, since this is America, and we’re talking about an elected position, why don’t we just have a Homecoming President, which would totally solve the gender issue.

Oh, and one more thing. I kid you not, the name of the Mona Shores High School football team is the Sailor Boys. And who the heck was Mona Shores, anyway? It sounds like the name of a stripper. Speaking of which…

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Bronx Teacher Revealed as Former Prostitute and Stripper

Maybe “revealed” isn’t the right word, since Melissa Petro, an elementary school art teacher in the Bronx, has been blogging about her past exploits with no attempt to hide her identity. On the other hand, considering her past, maybe “revealed” is exactly the right word.

Anyway, this has, of course, created a national uproar because we, as Americans, believe that sexual shenanigans should be reserved for our politicians.

Many people believe that Ms. Petro, who, coincidentally, became tenured a short time before this story broke, should be dismissed faster than a transgendered homecoming king because we simply cannot have people like this teaching our children.

I strongly agree. We cannot have stupid people like this teaching our students. Ms. Petro should be fired not because she is a former prostitute, but because she is a current idiot.

I mean, don’t you have to be a few colors short of the full set of Crayolas to think that writing about your past life as a hooker and stripper–without bothering to use a pseudonym–might cause a slight problem for your elementary school teaching career?

Jeez.

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Fisher-Price Recalls a Little Person

Her name is Sonya Lee, and she is part of the “Little People Play n’ Go Campsite,” and evidently, in addition to being tiny, she has an alarming tendency to break apart at the waist.

I’m sure that it will cause you no shock to learn that Ms. Lee hails from China. Parents are advised that if Sonya is currently residing in your home, you should deport her immediately before your child chokes on either half of her bisected little body.

Ms. Lee was unavailable for comment.

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The Last Lightbulb

In unrelated (to parenting) news, on September 24, the last American-made, old-fashioned, 100 watt incandescent lightbulb was manufactured. With only environmentally-friendly, but slow-to-illuminate bulbs now available, Americans will take even longer to come up with new ideas. On the plus side, considering that recent new ideas have included a second Sex in the City movie, that may not be a bad thing.

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