Posted by: laughs4dads | November 1, 2010

This Just In–I Crossed the Street

Thinking back on our own childhoods, I can only surmise that our existences must have been so boring, it’s amazing we just didn’t spend our teenaged years in a coma.

Can you imagine if our lives had been as exciting as today’s kids, so fraught with drama, so chock-full of earth-shattering events, so punctuated by surprising twists and turns that we felt compelled to broadcast nearly every waking minute?

Twitter, Facebook and other social media have turned our children into walking 24-hour news channels covering…themselves. Yes, for every parent who has ever yelled at a whining child “Do you think the whole world revolves around you?” we now have an answer.

Yes, yes they do.

It’s not surprising that kids are self-centered enough to want to send the details of their lives out to the world. The shocking thing is that anyone would want to read it.

Yes, there are apparently people on the edges of their seats breathlessly awaiting the next news bulletin (“I’m here now.”) and the one after that (“Now I’m here.”).

Can you imagine how boring their lives are?

It’s not only kids, of course. I have an adult relative (on my wife’s side, I hasten to add), who writes things on his status page like “Well, I’ve finished The New York Times crossword. What will I do next on a rainy Saturday night?”

Is he asking for suggestions? Is he trying to build up suspense so I’ll tune back in to see what he ended up doing? Is he actually just bragging that he finished the crossword” (And, if so, does he realize that the accomplishment is diminished because that’s what he was doing on a Saturday night?)

And the biggest question of all: can anyone possibly care?

I mean, what, really, is the purpose of all this twittering and texting and status-changing? Is it instead of keeping a diary? It can’t be, because diaries are private thoughts intended only for the writer to look back on later. It’s more like all these people are writing their autobiographies as it happens, turning their memoirs into the world’s most mundane soap opera, airing in 140-character episodes.

And I think it’s only a matter of time before kids get into real trouble simply because they’re trying to make their storylines more interesting. (“Tune in next time; I think I’m going to rob a bank.”)

I’ll admit it; this particular 24/7 ego trip technology did not really come into its own until my daughter, Casey, was an adult. But I would like to think that I would not have permitted its use until she was at least 18…or at least until something interesting happened.

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