Posted by: laughs4dads | January 10, 2011

NSFAQ (Not So Frequently Asked Questions)

I started this blog just about a year ago, to see if I could really come up with reasonably entertaining things to say three times a week and perhaps build up a moderately sized readership.

I accomplished half of my goal (I hope). But I must admit to the six of you reading this that, other than the occasional blip caused by a particularly timely or controversial topic (or my daughter’s boyfriend, Alex, putting a link on Reddit) I haven’t been able to spread the word any farther than you can spread margarine on a slice of toast.

So this will be my final post, number 177. And I thought I’d leave you by anticipating any parenting questions I may have left unanswered.

Q: Someone gave me a present of a cookbook that lets me make my own baby food.  Is this preferable to the store-bought stuff my mother gave me?
A: That depends.  How do you think you turned out?

Q: I have a baby boy.
A: My condolences.

Q: My question is, which disposable diaper is better, Pampers or Huggies?
A: Which one do you have a coupon for?

Q: When should I expect my daughter to start talking?
A: When she has something to say.

Q: When’s the best time to take a baby off the breast?
A: Sometime before you try to burp it.

Q: That’s not what I meant.  I meant when should I stop breast-feeding my son?
A: According to my wife, Barbara, it’s whenever it becomes too much of a pain in the ass.

Q: Whenever my parents come to visit, they bring my daughter all kinds of presents.  Will she get spoiled?
A: No.  Only slightly curdled.

Q: My friends have a daughter the same age as mine.  How come she’s already reading and my daughter isn’t?
A: Maybe she has better books.

Q: Should I enroll my child in one of those toddler courses that teaches foreign languages or nuclear physics?
A: Your child will be smarter than you in good time.  Don’t rush it.

Q: My son is a terror.  He runs around the house breaking things and, when we take him visiting, he runs around other peoples’ houses breaking things.  What can I do?
A: Get him better parents.  And, by the way, you’re not invited to my place.

Q: How long should I let my baby cry before I go into him?
A: Until a commercial.

Q. But we use TiVo.
A. Then put your baby on fast forward until he stops crying.

Q: What kind of video camera should we get to shoot our son?
A: Use a gun.

Q: According to statistics, how much will the average college education cost in 16 years?
A: More than you can afford.

Q: My son has a cold and it’s keeping him awake at night.  What should I do?
A: Sleep in a motel.

Q: Is it true that your baby can hear your voice while it’s still in the womb?
A: Yes, so watch what you say while you’re in labor.

Q: Can you recommend any vacation spots for young children?
A: Any place that caters to toddlers will be just fine, as long as you’re going somewhere else on your vacation.

Q: How old should my daughter be before I have another baby?
A: Old enough to be an au pair.

Q: Is it safe to use a microwave around a baby?
A: As long as the baby isn’t in it.

Q: Any potty training tips?
A: Yes.  Make sure they don’t fall in.

Q: Hello, I’m a single father and I’m looking for a nanny who’s witty, intelligent, a good cook and great with kids.  Any suggestions?
A: Try eHarmony.com.

Q: My year-old son likes to sit in front of the TV for hours and not do anything else.  How can I get him to stop this?
A: You’re kidding, right?

Q: Is it good to have sex in front of your child?
A: Good for whom?

Q: Well, my child, of course.
A: I don’t know, but make sure he doesn’t see you smoking afterward.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed the past year of posts. Thanks for reading.

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Responses

  1. Sorry to see you go! I’ve enjoyed reading your blog – it’s brought back many suppressed memories (unfortunately, that’s where some of them should be – only kidding)!

  2. It’s been quite fun and entertaining, I’m going to miss this blog. Thank you for all the posts the last year.

  3. I think your blogs have been great – and I always enjoyed reading them. On to the next project???


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