Posted by: laughs4dads | January 10, 2011

NSFAQ (Not So Frequently Asked Questions)

I started this blog just about a year ago, to see if I could really come up with reasonably entertaining things to say three times a week and perhaps build up a moderately sized readership.

I accomplished half of my goal (I hope). But I must admit to the six of you reading this that, other than the occasional blip caused by a particularly timely or controversial topic (or my daughter’s boyfriend, Alex, putting a link on Reddit) I haven’t been able to spread the word any farther than you can spread margarine on a slice of toast.

So this will be my final post, number 177. And I thought I’d leave you by anticipating any parenting questions I may have left unanswered.

Q: Someone gave me a present of a cookbook that lets me make my own baby food.  Is this preferable to the store-bought stuff my mother gave me?
A: That depends.  How do you think you turned out?

Q: I have a baby boy.
A: My condolences.

Q: My question is, which disposable diaper is better, Pampers or Huggies?
A: Which one do you have a coupon for?

Q: When should I expect my daughter to start talking?
A: When she has something to say.

Q: When’s the best time to take a baby off the breast?
A: Sometime before you try to burp it.

Q: That’s not what I meant.  I meant when should I stop breast-feeding my son?
A: According to my wife, Barbara, it’s whenever it becomes too much of a pain in the ass.

Q: Whenever my parents come to visit, they bring my daughter all kinds of presents.  Will she get spoiled?
A: No.  Only slightly curdled.

Q: My friends have a daughter the same age as mine.  How come she’s already reading and my daughter isn’t?
A: Maybe she has better books.

Q: Should I enroll my child in one of those toddler courses that teaches foreign languages or nuclear physics?
A: Your child will be smarter than you in good time.  Don’t rush it.

Q: My son is a terror.  He runs around the house breaking things and, when we take him visiting, he runs around other peoples’ houses breaking things.  What can I do?
A: Get him better parents.  And, by the way, you’re not invited to my place.

Q: How long should I let my baby cry before I go into him?
A: Until a commercial.

Q. But we use TiVo.
A. Then put your baby on fast forward until he stops crying.

Q: What kind of video camera should we get to shoot our son?
A: Use a gun.

Q: According to statistics, how much will the average college education cost in 16 years?
A: More than you can afford.

Q: My son has a cold and it’s keeping him awake at night.  What should I do?
A: Sleep in a motel.

Q: Is it true that your baby can hear your voice while it’s still in the womb?
A: Yes, so watch what you say while you’re in labor.

Q: Can you recommend any vacation spots for young children?
A: Any place that caters to toddlers will be just fine, as long as you’re going somewhere else on your vacation.

Q: How old should my daughter be before I have another baby?
A: Old enough to be an au pair.

Q: Is it safe to use a microwave around a baby?
A: As long as the baby isn’t in it.

Q: Any potty training tips?
A: Yes.  Make sure they don’t fall in.

Q: Hello, I’m a single father and I’m looking for a nanny who’s witty, intelligent, a good cook and great with kids.  Any suggestions?
A: Try

Q: My year-old son likes to sit in front of the TV for hours and not do anything else.  How can I get him to stop this?
A: You’re kidding, right?

Q: Is it good to have sex in front of your child?
A: Good for whom?

Q: Well, my child, of course.
A: I don’t know, but make sure he doesn’t see you smoking afterward.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed the past year of posts. Thanks for reading.



  1. Sorry to see you go! I’ve enjoyed reading your blog – it’s brought back many suppressed memories (unfortunately, that’s where some of them should be – only kidding)!

  2. It’s been quite fun and entertaining, I’m going to miss this blog. Thank you for all the posts the last year.

  3. I think your blogs have been great – and I always enjoyed reading them. On to the next project???

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